BIJAM

"My positive effort to rebuild myself."

My parents gave me my name Tshering, Tshering is the name of a god in our religion but I was devil since child, being the only son of my parents I was too pamper and I had been sent to India for my schooling but destiny or what I landed up somewhere else, I was a good student I never failed in any class but I was different among my age group people, being a border student I was always attached to my seniors and that attachment took me closer to them.

I was in my early adolescent so even I had that feeling of being hero and smart among group of friends, I also had that energy of trying and doing everything which would come in front of me, as I was closer to my seniors so I often did that what they would, in fact I use to copy them
I still remember the first time I was introduced to drug, it was an annual school festival and at the end of a day there was a rock concert. That evening was the first time I took drug; it was liquid oral drug (a cough syrup with codeine on it) me and my friend were really excited and that excitement leaded us and of course me to my first use, the first time I used it I felt like I was flying, such a superb and good high no more words to describe, that first use left the lasting impression and I felt like using it again and again, That eagerness of using again took me to second use and then third, fourth, fifth, and countless and I even had no idea that when my using dose(limit) got increased day by day. My addiction was on speed progress, from a liquid oral drug to heroin, medical pills, injecting drug, I climbed every steps without saying no.
No matter what I was always ready to do anything to get drug, in fact I never step back if I have to slouch, steal, swindle, manipulate this sort of attitude were on rapid progress, and slowly my parents came to knew about my addiction, my mother tried a various ways to took me of it but she always failed. Because of my behaviour my parents were always disturbed and the atmosphere in home would be horrible, I was so cafe free I always did what I wanted, I quit my college, I never bothered about my career or future neither my parents dream, I was in my deep addiction and I couldn’t stay without using. After my mother’s death my father married another woman which I couldn’t tolerate and my relationship with my dad became more horrifying, I left my home but not my addiction and slowly I literally landed up to street and became all alone. But still I didn’t realized that I am becoming worse, I tried doing different jobs but non lasted for long, the only thing in my mind would be how to arrange enough money for my dose and for next dose, I would be ready to sleep without food but not without drug, my life was unmanageable from every part I was getting weak, alone, frustrated, in fact I was sick and tired of being sick and tired and I knew if I wont quit now I will surely die, and that feeling of dying before death brought me to treatment.

I gave all my positive effort to rebuild myself again and now I am voluntarily engaged in rehabilitation centre. Today my life is much better and I am healthy, happy, and clean and I am in peace coz I don’t have to use drug anymore and neither my life is horrible or horror any more, my perspective towards life has changed and I have came to believe that life is full of life without drug. The name Tshering which my parents gave me is a god in my religion, I know I am not that god but the god is inside me and I am in peace today.